3 Shots of Insanity
by everfaraway
Summary: Exactly what it sounds like.  3 chapters of insanity featuring some of our favorite Joes.  Sigma 6.  S.E/S pairing.  Tunnel Rat bashing. Alcohol.  Teen for safety
1. Chapter 1

A Couple of Bottles Later

_**Author: I'm back to writing again. I don't own anyone. Just borrowing them to have fun.  
><strong>__**Pairing: Snake Eyes & Scarlett (romance) S.E./S/L.R (friendship) Snakes lines are sign language**_

"Hey amigos." Long Range said, making his way of the rock pile that Snake Eyes and Scarlett were sitting at the top of.

"Hey Long Range." Scarlett said as Snake Eyes rested his chin on her hair to watch the sniper.

"Did I interrupt?" he asked, stopping just shy of them.

"No more than usual." Snake Eyes signed.

"I grabbed a couple of bottles of tequila last time we stopped for supplies. You two want to have a few drinks?" he asked.

"What's the occasion?" the ninja inquired.

"No occasion. Just felt like since I had the alcohol I'd share. Jynx, Komakura, Hi-Tech and Tunnel Rat don't drink. Spirit's in bed. Heavy Duty is on guard duty and Duke's in the ROCC looking over some Cobra Intel." he told them.

"So in other words you were lonely." Scarlett teased warmly. Long Range cocked an eyebrow at her.

"Be nice Shana." Snake told her as he got to his feet.

"What are you three up to?" Duke asked when the trio walked into the ROCC.

"Gonna have a few drinks. Wanna join us?" Long Range offered, grabbing a plastic bag from his locker.

"I'm more of a whiskey kind of guy," Duke told him as he looked into the bag, "But thanks anyways."

"Your call boss." the sniper said, leading the trio back outside.

A few hours and almost two bottle later Scarlett and Snake Eyes were listening to Long Range ramble in Spanish. He had forgotten his English half way through the second bottle.

"I think he's done." Snake signed to Scarlett.

"Me too. I'll grab the bottle if you grab him." she said.

It took Long Range a bit longer than usual to focus and realize he was being hauled to his feet. "Que?" he asked, looking at Snake Eyes.

"It's time to go to bed." Scarlett told him, sliding the bottle from his hand.

"He okay?" Heavy Duty asked as they walked by.

"He had too much tequila." Scarlett said.

"You look a little buzzed too." he smirked.

She shrugged and asked, "When are you off guard duty?"

"Now." Jynx said, walking over from the direction of the tent everyone was sleeping in.

"Here. Enjoy." Scarlett said, handing the bottle to H.D.

"Good night." Jynx called after her. Scarlett waved to show she had heard her.

"Want a sip?" H.D. Asked, offering the bottle to the young ninja.

"No thanks I don't drink except sake. But even then very rarely." she said.

"Suit yourself. Night." he told her.

"You are heavy." Snake Eyes thought as Long Range collapsed onto his cot with a thud and a groan.

"What time's it?" a voice grumbled from nearby.

"Go back to sleep." Scarlett said, entering the tent.

"Bueno nochas." Long Range muttered.

"Where's the bottle?" Snake Eyes asked.

"I gave it to Heavy Duty." she whispered as the tent flap opened again.

"Night guys." Heavy Duty whispered, holding aside the flap so they could leave.

"Thanks. Sleep well." she told him.

"Do you want to go for a ride?" Snake Eyes asked.

"Can you drive?" she teased.

"I didn't have that much to drink." he told her.

Jynx watched as they rode on into the desert on her sensai's bike. It was a nice night for it, with a full moon and a sky full of stars.

"Guard duty?"

Jynx looked up at Spirit, who had approached without her even noticing. "Yeah. I thought you were in bed already." she said.

"I was. But then I couldn't back to sleep." he said, sitting down beside her.

"Been there, done that." she said, leaning against him. The team was a bizarre family but it was one they were all glad to have.


	2. Chapter 2

Why Toy Guns are _**Not** _Allowed in The Military

**_Author: Had way too much fun with this. I don't own these guys though I enjoy playing with them._**

****Snake Eyes cocked his head slightly as he looked at the spot where his motorcycle was normally parked. "I did leave it here last night... didn't I?" he thought, casting a glance at the empty spot as he left the garage, as if expecting it to appear the moment he looked away.

"Morning sensai." Jynx said, before offering him a sip of tea. The ninja's tended to stay away from coffee. He pulled his mask up to take a drink and she cringed inwardly at the sight of his scars.

"Do you know where my bike is?" he signed, returning the mug.

"I thought you parked it in the garage." she said.

"I thought I did too." he admitted.

"How much did you have to drink last night?" she teased.

"Not nearly as much as Long Range. And not nearly to black out." he told her.

"Go ask Shana." she suggested.

"Where is Komakura?" he asked, looking around for his male apprentice who seldom strayed from his female counterpart.

"I think I saw him talking to Tunnel Rat earlier." she told him.

Snake Eyes shook his head and went off to find Scarlett.

"How much was left when you gave it to Heavy Duty?" Duke asked, taking a sip of his coffee just outside the ROCC.

"A couple of mouthfuls. Well maybe one for him. Long Range is the only one of us who really got a buzz last night." Scarlett said as Snake Eyes slid an arm around her waist.

"Did you have fun last night?" Duke asked.

Snake gave the blonde a thumbs up before signing into Shana's hand, "Did we park the bike in the garage last night?"

"After we got Long Range in bed and came back from our ride? Yeah, why?" she asked.

"It isn't there now." he told her.

"Komakura and Tunnel Rat were scheming this morning. Do you think they took off on it?" she asked.

"For their sakes, I hope not." he said, pressing his cheek to hers.

"Tunnel Rat, if sensai tans my hide for taking his bike I'm blaming you." Komakura said, as they exited the toy store.

"I can't believe they only had one." Tunnel Rat complained.

"He is going to kill you for this." the young ninja groaned.

"Where did you two go? Sensai was looking for his bike." Jynx demanded as they pulled to a stop in the garage.

"We went to the store." T-Rat said as he took off towards the tent where only Long Range remained asleep.

"Oh dear." Jynx whispered.

"This was all his idea." Komakura told her.

"What time is it? And how much did I drink last night?" Long Range thought as the sunlight stung his eyes through his eyelids.

"Wakey wakey." came a voice from nearby that he didn't recognize.

"Who the hell?" he thought, sliding his pistol from under his pillow slowly so not to alert the figure that was approaching to the fact that he was awake.

The footsteps stopped next to his cot and aimed what looked like an old Smith and Weston at him. "Since when does Cobra use a Smith and Weston?" he growled, pressing the barrel of his pistol against the figure's shoulder. His first guess was that it was Cobra but he preferred to shoot first and ask later.

"Oops. Um... it's plastic." Tunnel Rat whimpered, before he ran for the tent flap. Long Range fired off several quick shots at him, the last one hitting him in the ass.

"Ow that hurt!"

"What in the world?" Scarlett asked as Tunnel Rat landed in a heap nearby.

"I had nothing to do with it I swear." Komakura whimpered.

Four more shots hit the ground around Tunnel Rat: one above his head, one at his feet and one on either side of him. Long Range moved to stand over him, aimed a gun at him and whispered, "And shepherds we shall be, for Thee, my Lord, for Thee. Power hath descended forth from Thy hand. That our feet may swiftly carry out Thy command. So we shall flow a river forth to Thee, and teeming with souls shall it ever be. In nomine Patri. Et Fili. Spiritus Sancti." Everyone stared Tunnel Rat went still and Long Range placed a penny over each of his eyes before walking towards the ROCC.

"He just killed Tunnel Rat." Jynx whispered.

Long Range glared at Heavy Duty who looked ready to punch him and said, "It wasn't loaded.

"I thought he was gonna kill me for a minute." Tunnel Rat whimpered, sitting up. The inside of his pant legs were dark and wet.

"You know, I'd hate to court marshal you for murdering him. No matter how annoying he is." Duke told Long Range.

"They'd have to get close enough to bring me before anyone." the sniper said.

"I'm sure that would be difficult." Spirit admitted.

"Scarlett what happened to that bottle of tequila from last night?" Long Range called.

"I gave it to Heavy Duty." Scarlett shouted.

"Why?" he demanded, leaning against the door frame of the ROCC.

"You were pretty buzzed." Snake Eyes told him.

"How much was left?"

"A few mouthfuls." Scarlett said.

"It was pretty good tequila bro." Heavy Duty admitted.

"I wish you had gotten the worm, cabron." Long Range growled.

Snake Eyes turned to Komakura and Tunnel Rat. "If you two ever take off on my bike for some idiotic scheme with or without my permission I will lock you both in a very small room with Jynx while she is practicing blindfolded." he signed furiously before Scarlett pulled him away.

"We don't need you court marshaled for unjust punishment." she told him gently. He made a sound in the back of his throat that passed for a snicker as he gave her a squeeze.

"Would he do that?" Tunnel Rat asked.

"Yes. Though I guess it could be worse." Komakura admitted.

"What's worse?" the red head asked.

"Target practice with Long Range! As the target!" Scarlett called over her shoulder.


	3. Chapter 3

When Joes Want Popcorn

**_Author: Here's the chapter that started it all. Inspired by a clip I saw before Acts of Valor where  
>a group of soldiers overseas decided to make popcorn by putting the bag on top of a very hot piece<br>of equipment or weaponry. So Three Shots of Insanity is done and over with. Bless our troops._**

"Let's see... Found it!"

"Do I even want to know what he found?" Scarlett asked.

"Probably not." Duke said.

"Hey guys! We gotta microwave in here?" Tunnel Rat asked, sticking his head outside of the R.O.C.C.

"Not that I know of." Scarlett said, looking at Duke.

"What are you up to Tunnel Rat?" Duke asked.

"You'll see later." Tunnel Rat said, taking off for the mobile garage.

"Hey Snake Eyes will you grab that small powerstone energy adapter on the table?" Hi-Tech asked from next to the ninja bike.

Snake Eyes glanced out from behind his book over at the desk. After a moment he looked back over at Hi- Tech.

"The grey and green spark plug." the strawberry blonde clarified.

Snake Eyes got up as Tunnel Rat slipped into the building. "Hey! Hi-Tech!" he shouted.

"Damn it Tunnel Rat!" Hi-Tech yelped, falling off his stool to the floor.

Snake Eyes grabbed the red head by the back of his shirt, lifting him off the ground. The ninja chuckled silently as T-Rat pulled his legs close to his chest, reminding him of a kitten.

"I just wanted to know if we had a microwave." Tunnel Rat told him, looking sheepishly over at Snake Eyes.

"Why would I build a microwave? What would we do with it? Shove Cobra in and cook them to death?" Hi-Tech demanded.

"Well..." Tunnel Rat began before Snake Eyes gave him a rough shake that was definitely meant to mean: "No!"

"Snake Eyes, will you... take him somewhere please?" Hi-Tech groaned, going to his desk to grab what really did look like a green and grey spark plug.

"Very impressive my friend." Spirit said as he looked through his binoculars at the targets Long Range was shooting.

"Thanks..." Long Range began as Snake Eyes walked up, carrying Tunnel Rat by the shirt.

"Who did he annoy this time?" Spirit asked.

"I was trying to ask Hi-Tech if we had a microwave." Tunnel Rat protested loudly.

"Snake Eyes, put him down please." Spirit said.

"Thanks Spirit." Tunnel Rat smiled before he was dropped none too gently by the silent ninja.

Long Range grinned wickedly and said, "Run."

"Huh?" the red head asked, cocking his head.

"Run." the sniper smirked as he peered through the scope on his rifle before pulling trigger. The shot missed T-Rat, just barely.

Tunnel Rat got up and ran full speed away from the sniper. The three shots missed of course, but only by an inch or less. "H.D.! Help!" he yelled, running towards the mobile mess hall.

"What?" Heavy Duty asked from where he stood talking with Jynx and Komakura.

"Long Range was trying to shoot me! Again!" he cried.

"Did he hit you?" Jynx asked.

"No." he gasped.

"Then he wasn't trying." Komakura laughed.

"Not really. Why were you asking Hi-Tech if we have a microwave?" Long Range asked, coming into the mess hall with Spirit and Snake Eyes in tow.

"I wanted some popcorn." Tunnel Rat told me all.

"You wanted popcorn?" Jynx asked. T-Rat nodded meekly.

"Hey H.D. how hot does your machine gun get after you use it?" Long Range asked, looking at the bags of popcorn on the table.

"Couple of hundred degrees. Air around it probably gets to be around one fifty."

Long Range grabbed the popcorn and said, "Come on amigos." Spirit, Snake Eyes, Tunnel Rat, Heavy Duty and the apprentices followed curiously.

"Whatcha doing Range?" Heavy Duty asked as the sniper set up the turret stand for the machine gun.

"Come over here and get some target practice in hombre." he told him as he snapped the final locks in place. Several minutes later Heavy Duty stepped away and Long Range dumped the bags of popcorn near the machine gun.

"What was that?" Scarlett asked as a loud pop sounded from the other side of the R.O.C.C.

"Good question, come on." Duke said, heading around the R.O.C.C.

"Long Range you're a genius!" Tunnel Rat shouted, jumping onto the marksman's shoulders as the bags of popcorn began to pop.

"Just when I thought I'd seen everything." Scarlett said, shaking her head as one of the bags flew a few feet into the air.

"What are you guys doing?" Duke asked.

"Making popcorn." Heavy Duty told him.

"Really? I thought somebody bought a cap gun... again." Hi-Tech said, appearing beside Scarlett.

"No. Thankfully." Jynx said, glaring at Tunnel Rat and Komakura.

"We thought it'd be funny." Komakura muttered meekly.

"How were we supposed to know Long Range is such a light sleeper and keeps a gun by his cot." Tunnel Rat protested.

"As team sniper, I would hope he would." Duke said, pulling a bag open.

"This turned out pretty good." Jynx admitted, sharing a bag with Komakura.

"So our sniper's a genius too. Might wanna try to cut him off at the pass Hi-Tech." Scarlett teased.

Hi-Tech laughed and pressed close to Long Range, elbowing him warmly in the ribs. The sniper smirked and gently messed up his hair.

"Come on Billy!" Tunnel Rat shouted as the falcon flew off with his bag of popcorn.


End file.
